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Shamus (The Drunk Fucking Panda)

from Best Of by Squirrel Man and his Jam Band

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lyrics

[Narrator]
Let me tell you a story of how we pandas survived
the plague of the winter 1945

You see, the women were ugly so much we couldn't stand
the sight of a single woman in all of Pandaland

But one day a young man after a few pints of lager
reached his hand through the cage and gave some to your father

Well he lapped it all up every drop that was shed
and for the first time, that night, he took your mothers to bed!

---

Shamus burps like a bullfrog when he's feeling tipsy
and doesn't ask questions when he's feeling frisky
He noticed that ones who he wouldn't dare ogle
look much more attractive in panda beer goggles

Woah, raise your glass up for Shamus!
Then swallow it down!

So that's when old Shamus burst into the pub for a bottle of whiskey then a barrel then a tub.
The girls had names like Molly and Sadie and who can remember the last dozen ladies!

Woah, raise your glass up for Shamus!
Then swallow it down!

Ohhhh
That limey wanker Shamus, a devil in the sack
who never had the decency to call your mother back
That soggy bastard Shamus proclaimed with all his might,
"As Jameson's my witness, I'll be getting some tonight!"

He laid eyes on her, and all of her friends,
and slapped his big paw across their rear ends.
It wasn't quite love, but it still felt right,
he made all the ladies feel lucky that night.

Woah, raise your glass up for Shamus!
Then swallow it down!

Shamus was a bit forward, a little taboo,
he knocked down back doors with a stick of bamboo.
Twas a hell of a tale, and it didn't stop there,
why, he knocked up the countryside, that drunken bear!

Woah, raise your glass up for Shamus!
Then swallow it down!

Ohhhh
That maky arsehole Shamus set off into the night
a whiskey bottle in his left, a harem in his right.
That barmy tosser Shamus left a ship in every port
now every penny that he's got goes straight to child support.

Woah, raise your glass up for Shamus!
King of Pandatown!

[Narrator]
And that young pandas, is how you... were made.

credits

from Best Of, released May 24, 2020

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Squirrel Man and his Jam Band Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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